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Helga Montana
27 May 2008 @ 02:51 pm
As much as I enjoy slitting my wrists, slicking layer upon layer of eyeliner, crying, and emo-ing out to Hawthorne Heights' Ohio Is For Lovers* when life gets shitty and oh-so-unbearable (like when my bangs aren't as floppy as they were yesterday, causing only a fourth of my face to be covered or when I run out of things to be angry or sad about), sometimes, happy music is just what I need to get through these trying times. Truly, listening to songs about sunshine and rainbows and Hello Kitty is the best way to cope when one is stricken with the *~emo feeling~*. These songs are called ~feel-good songs~ because they inspire us to be happy and not sad and not emo and generally, make us want to be better people, better children, better lovers, better students, and better citizens.



CHACARRON MACARRON BY EL MUDO: NOT A FEEL-GOOD SONG.

(SONGS I FAP OFF TO)
 
 
Helga Montana
24 May 2008 @ 03:06 pm
Lover, on my last entry and how a bunch of you commented on how hot my dad is/was: one day, i would just like half the compliments from our daughter's friends that your dad gets. Sheesh.


Judging by how hot my boyfriend is and how well he's aged, I told him he's likely to receive such comments. I doubt, though, that I'd take nicely to our daughter's friends calling him a DILF (because I am possessive like that). This is, of course, assuming that our daughter would be a blogger at age 12 (god knows what she has to blog about, though, at that age) and I'd be the cool mom who reads her blog but isn't cool enough to approve of 12-year olds knowing what DILF stands for.

Several times in the past, lover and I have talked about what our daughters would be like, going as far as mapping out their lives. We'd have two: one would be named Asia (after a certain feature of mine) and the other would be named Tonette (a name I do not approve of and she will, therefore, lead a very tragic life).

Our sample babies (Tonette is obviously the ugly one):

bunnycat, catbunny

(Daughters, You Say?)
 
 
Helga Montana
23 May 2008 @ 07:58 am
Seeing that it is the 23rd of May and to prove to myself that I do not completely fail when it comes to certain things (like blogging everyday!!!), I thought today would be a good time to return to 23 for 23.

To make up for the ten skipped parts, I originally thought of posting ten pictures from the last ten years, starting from 1998 when I was 13 (that was obviously me proving to you that I know math). It seemed like a brilliant idea until I attacked our family photo albums and realized that the pictures weren’t organized by year.

My brilliant idea was an immediate fail.

So I thought: oh what the heck, I’ll post pictures anyway. Besides, why would I want to post pictures of my awkward phase which is basically me, aged 6-16? Starting with a picture from my 1st birthday party! At McDonald’s! Followed by a picture of me blowing out my birthday candle at 4!





(SEE ME TOPLESS AFTER THE CUT!)
 
 
Helga Montana
I’ve been in a bit of a funky mood lately and as much as I’d like to blame it on the dreary weather, I’d rather say it’s the lack of nicotine and human contact that’s got me feeling all Lindsay Lohan-ish after Wilmer dumped her. It doesn’t help that not smoking has got me orally-fixating; coupled with PMS cravings, it would be apt to say that my body is in biiiiiig twouble! I mean, look at my latest picture, taken two minutes ago:



=(

(GASP! HELGA IS FAT!)
 
 
 
Helga Montana
Now I know that I am some days late; I hail from the wonderful wonderful Third World. Thank god for torrents. Moving on.

First, I am absolutely pleased at the obvious absence of little J in this episode. I have never liked her character and episode 16— All About My Brother— was by far the sweetest episode, in terms of girly evil and pwnage (Team Blair!).

(There Will Be Spoilers!)
 
 
Helga Montana
12 May 2008 @ 04:48 pm
Because I am apparently an awesome girlfriend and because it is my birthday month, lover felt the need to spoil me some more by getting me David and Goliath shirts.

The good thing is: he's getting me two.

The bad thing is: I want everything in their catalog. Yes, even the men's shirts.

As if life as a 22-year old unemployed blogger isn't hard enough. Sigh.

Anyway, lover and I already have one picked out:

David and Goliath tee, Lucky Duck

We were both on the David and Goliath website the other day, browsing the women's catalog, trying to decide on another design for me. Being the indecisive person that I am, and because David and Goliath shirts are serious bizniz, I told him I needed to sleep on it.

But now I need your help in narrowing down my choices. There's nothing from the Little Losers series that I'd wear, so if any of you were planning on suggesting Miss BJ, Miss Lush, Miss Good Time, Miss Boobjob or Miss Trophy Wife, no thanks, teehee.

My choices are after the cut. I really like 2 & 4 (I only have one orange shirt and it's so old and worn out). What about you?

(On to the shirts!)

_____
23 for 23 is me posting one birthday-related entry a day (or at least attempts to) for the next 23 days. See all posts here.
 
 
Helga Montana
11 May 2008 @ 04:31 am
In my last entry, J (who just turned 22!) asked if I had an Amazon wish list. I actually do, and not only is it in need of updating, it also just might be the blandest wish list you've ever seen. "Books and DVDs? Where are the dildos, woman! The drug prescriptions, the bling, the KFC gift certificates, the pots and pans and sammich makers!" exclaimed lover, after scanning my one-page sorry excuse of a wish list.

Okay, so he didn't really say that. He just said to put in some dresses and maybe something sexy for him to get me, like lime green bike shorts.

Today's entry is short and lists 3 things that I really really really want for my birthday. Unfortunately, hard as I tried, I couldn't find any of those things on Amazon. So if any of you are hoping to get me the following as gifts, you'd have to really really really exert some effort here.

(On to the wishlist!)
 
 
Helga Montana
08 May 2008 @ 09:48 pm
In 23 days, I turn 23. Like men and maraschino cherries in my alcoholic, vodka-based drink, I have always had a thing for turning a year older. I'd rather not ramble about my issues (because really, there is nothing more attractive than seeing an insipid almost-23-year old girl launch into a lengthy monologue about her imaginary growing pains) and how--- despite finding myself in a fulfilling and emotionally-satisfying relationship--- I still have my insecurities about people taking me seriously...

I think I just lost my train of thought. Let's try that one more time without the digressions.

I'd rather not ramble about my issues and how--- despite finding myself in a fulfilling and emotionally-satisfying relationship--- I still have my insecurities about people taking me seriously. So instead of going into that, what I'll do is post one birthday-related entry a day for the next 23 days (yes, this is also me boosting author-based activity in this blog). Thus, 23 for 23. These entries may be part of a birthday wishlist, a realization, a random thought or observation, memories from birthdays past...anything. OMG, I just cringed at how cheesy I am sounding right now.

(Number 1 on my WL!)
 
 
Helga Montana
08 March 2007 @ 08:31 pm


I'm not about to go and privatize all entries because I've hidden what needs to be hidden. If you follow the breadcrumbs, you'll find where I am. Yay.

Which is at http://blog.ditz-revolution.net

Also, I've made a new LJ for reading purposes, cos this LJ's FP is too cluttered. F'reals.
 
 
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Inaudible Melodies, Jack Johnson